I often see Christian singles who want to
be in a relationship, but are not, while we are made to be in a relationship!
After some observation and talking to Christian singles, I have finally decided
to write a blog about it.
I am going to start by pointing out two
situations that may occur in a church.
(1) Relationships between singles in a
church become so friendly, that the singles start seeing each
other just as sisters or brothers, and it becomes awkward
to initiate something and express your “romantic” feelings. Let me
break it down to you this way. I am a single woman, and if you are a single
man, there is a chance that I see you not only as my brother, but also as a
potential future husband!
(2) There is not much of a relationship
between singles in a church, because, one is afraid of sending out the wrong
message. You think that if you ask a girl out for a cup of coffee, she might think that you are "planning to marry her". Therefore, singles end up
behaving awkwardly towards each other in church. Let me shed some light on this
situation. We, women, do Not start planning our wedding whenever a man asks us
out. If you ask me out for a cup of coffee, lunch, dinner or a whole day out,
that does not mean that I will end up marrying you or expect you to have a relationship
with me. Don't flatter yourself; it takes A Lot more than a (very classy)
dinner or a day out to make me want to marry you, Ever. However, it could be a
nice starter…
There are a few stories in the Bible where a man decides that it is time for him to have a wife, so he takes the initiative and goes out to find himself a wife, often traveling long distances. Nowadays, single men don't even need to travel anywhere to find themselves a wife, there are plenty of good Christian women right in their church. Open Your Eyes and Look Around!
From a young age, we Christian females, are taught that the man is the initiator and the pursuer. So what do we do? We wait until the man (finally) takes the first step. What happens often is we wait, and we wait, and we wait. Eventually, we end up giving the guy a hint, aiming to let him know that we want to be more than "just friends". This often wakes the guy up a little and he Finally attempts to ask the girl out. This is just disappointing, because it shows us that men are often not the pursuers and the initiators as we hoped them to be. Men are often insecure and also wait and wait and wait for a hint from the female or hoping that God will open up the heavens and let the girl of their dreams descend right into their lives.
Men, what is the worst thing that can happen if you approach the lady? She says no. So what? The worst thing that can happen to a person is if one dies without having known and being known by Jesus. Now that's messed up! If you compare that with a “no” from a girl, then “rejection” does not seem so bad, does it? Asking a girl out is not a matter of life or death, do not exaggerate. Yes, we are all afraid of rejection, and that is often the reason why men do not initiate anything with the women they like, but instead choose to wait for a hint. It is the safer way, isn't it? You do not need to have courage or show strong male character if you have a hint from the girl that she likes you too.
There are a few stories in the Bible where a man decides that it is time for him to have a wife, so he takes the initiative and goes out to find himself a wife, often traveling long distances. Nowadays, single men don't even need to travel anywhere to find themselves a wife, there are plenty of good Christian women right in their church. Open Your Eyes and Look Around!
From a young age, we Christian females, are taught that the man is the initiator and the pursuer. So what do we do? We wait until the man (finally) takes the first step. What happens often is we wait, and we wait, and we wait. Eventually, we end up giving the guy a hint, aiming to let him know that we want to be more than "just friends". This often wakes the guy up a little and he Finally attempts to ask the girl out. This is just disappointing, because it shows us that men are often not the pursuers and the initiators as we hoped them to be. Men are often insecure and also wait and wait and wait for a hint from the female or hoping that God will open up the heavens and let the girl of their dreams descend right into their lives.
Men, what is the worst thing that can happen if you approach the lady? She says no. So what? The worst thing that can happen to a person is if one dies without having known and being known by Jesus. Now that's messed up! If you compare that with a “no” from a girl, then “rejection” does not seem so bad, does it? Asking a girl out is not a matter of life or death, do not exaggerate. Yes, we are all afraid of rejection, and that is often the reason why men do not initiate anything with the women they like, but instead choose to wait for a hint. It is the safer way, isn't it? You do not need to have courage or show strong male character if you have a hint from the girl that she likes you too.
90% of the time, I do not feel attracted
to Any man. However, I believe that quite a few men could have made me fall in love
with them, if they would have asked me out and shown some effort. Pursuing does not mean you wait for a
hint from a girl. It means, you see, you like, and you conquer! Educate
yourself and learn how to pursue a woman. Study the woman, know her likes and
dislikes. Find ways to make her smile. Read Christians books on relationships, ask advice from older couples
who know a thing or two about relationships. Put some effort into it! Do
not just spend your life wondering, what could have happened if you did this or
that. After all, you do not want
to see the girl you like ending up with another man, just because you did not
have the courage to simply ask her out. Have some courage and ask the girl
out! If you like a Godly woman and you express that to her, she will Not mercilessly bring
you down! We, women, understand that men may feel pressured or insecure, but it
does not mean you should act on it! A Christian woman wants a man to take
initiative, show strong character, and pursue her respectfully. We do not expect
men to act perfect or to say all the right things. Nevertheless, we do
appreciate the effort that a man makes to make us feel that we are worth
pursuing and loving.
